Carluccios - an overpriced, soulless moneymaker - Mar 2012

Snob that I am, I've been guilty in the past of dismissing the Carluccios chain restaurants as overpriced delis with cafe tables. The one in Oxford Circus used to be a default working overflow when we ran out of meeting rooms and we'd occasionally pick up croissants and expensive but good coffees as a treat on a dull or hungover morning.. Spending Friday night in one has never been something I'd think of, much less look forward to.

Wandering into the Richmond branch at the end of a busy week to meet up with friends didn't tick many boxes. I'd have been happier with a curry at home, a little bistro or, frankly anything else than a bowl of overpriced, mass produced pasta among the young daters an the elderly middleclass they would inevitably morph into. As I say, I'm a snob.

Closer consideration of the menu gave me some hope. There are a range of pastas to follow a good choice of starters taken from around Italy and a relatively uncomplicated fish and grill section if you're trying to avoid carbs. No pizzas feature.

The ingredients were reasonable, the pasta and gnocci fresh and perfectly cooked. My sauce, a venison ragu, was a meagre portion slopped on and rolled in the pan to give some    coverage, the bulk of the slightly dry meat managed to cling together, fearful of separation. Shared starters were assembled from good ingredients, all available to buy from the deli counter alongside and not really worth much more discussion. 

The service was abrupt and desultory in places, amateurish but friendly in others, the furniture 'wipe while you're sitting' cafe style. While I couldn't say anything actively bad about it, I couldn't say anything particularly good either and with prices equivalent to some of the better mid range Italians in town (certainly comparable to Zucca, Trullo and Mele e Pele) it just doesn't stack up for me. Somewhere to go when you run out of meeting room space, or a fallback mid session, but definitely not somewhere I'd plan to go again.

                                     

Villagio in Hammersmith - Feb 2012

I'm not going to dwell here too long...

Italian restaurants in hotels are a bean counter's no brainer. That's why so many hotels around the world have them. The cuisine is widespread, recognised and inoffensive to everyone, easy to prepare and (if you scrimp on the ingredients and the time) easy to come out at a low bottom line cost. Unfortunately the difference between a good one and a poor one is all too evident, but not until the food lands in front of you.

Villagio, unfortunately positioned on the Hammersmith roundabout opposite the bus station has that suicidal Hilton airport hotel vibe down to a tee. We went with guests, travellers thankfully too jetlagged to notice what the hell they were eating.

The room has that large, cold, boomingly beige, parquet wood vibe known the world over to those who need to turn tables between breakfast, lunch and dinner with a minimum of fuss. From the glossy corporate menu to the service there's no love here.

The food isn't even Hilton. It's Holiday Inn at best. My guests 'Italian' burger was a room service disaster. A lukewarm granite puck slapped between anaemic re-baked on the premises focaccia. The fries were alright, like underseasoned refugees from the nearby bus station MacDonalds. Chicken al Fungi was little more than underheated and cheap ricotta studded with gray lumps of protein masquerading as mushroom. No doubt someone counted the lumps to make sure I didn't get more than my allotted share. I was glad, I couldn't cope with any more than my allotted share.

As well as Hammersmith, they also have branches Berkhamsted, Andover and Barnet... I may pass.

The Marriott burger - Sept 2010

Greasy, microwaved, reheated... and that was just the bun.
Remember kids, room service is seldom big or clever. No matter what you see in the films. Especially not in a Marriott just outside Huntingdon.